I came across this Beyonceitis site a week or two ago, and I visit it every now and then and check for updates. I’m noticing that they update more and more with hilarious commentary and what-not, so I’ve decided to add a category to the news and post some of the stuff here … ya’know, just to give you guys a little laugh every now and then! This site needs to be spiced up, and this is definitely the paprika to do it =P

BEYONCE, RIHANNA, AND JENNIFER HUDSON AT THE BET AWARDS

A friend of mine who works at BET called me this morning to let me know the status of Beyonce’s participation in the show. First I was told that Beyonce did not want to go. But she’s slowly coming around. Mo’Nique plans to do ALL of Beyonce’s videos and for the video Kitty Kat she needed a catsuit made. But the BET Awards producers did not know where they were going to find 60 yards of leopard-print spandex. They were looking all around the United States and calling every fabric shop. They started getting frustrated. “Who in world has that much animal print spandex?”

So Tina Knowles ran down to BET studios. She had on her “business hair”, which is the wig that Beyonce bought her to wear when speaking to executives, presidents, and CEOs. While Beyonce was there, the producers pitched the idea of her and Jennifer Hudson doing the Diana Ross Tribute. Beyonce, of course was not to thrilled to share the spotlight, especially with Jabba the Hud. So they bought in Jennifer hoping to get her to change Beyonce’s mind.

Here, according my friend at BET, is what happened next:

(Jennifer walks over to Beyonce)

Jennifer: So when’s the baby due?

Beyonce: What baby?

Jennifer: I’m sorry, I thought you were pregnant, you’re looking really swollen around the middle.

Beyonce: Well, if that ain’t the big, fat pot calling the kettle black.

Jennifer: Well I didn’t come here to argue… I’m trying to see if you will do this Diana Ross tribute with me.

Beyonce: I’m not sure, I really wanted to sit down and enjoy the show from the audience. I already got my outfit and hair picked out. Besides, there were 3 Supremes, who’s going to be the third member?

(Rihanna walks in, Beyonce gets so mad the glue around her lacefront starts melting)

Jennifer: Calm down, Beyonce.

Beyonce: Don’t you tell me to calm down Effie!

Rihanna: Hello, everyone I’m sorry I’m late. Me and Jay were celebrating my #1 single. Hi Beyonce, you’re looking lovely today. I hope I’m that cute when I’m your age.

(At this point the producers ask Jennifer to sit on Beyonce to prevent her from going apeshit on Rihanna.)

Jennifer: Well we wanted to ask you if you would participate in the Diana Ross tribute with us.

Rihanna: Well, I would, but since I am being called the new Queen of R&B and I have the #1 single in the country I think I either need to do it solo or have you two behind me. Beyonce would you mind taking the backseat to me onstage? It shouldn’t be that different from you taking the backseat in Jay’s life.

At this point, I think I need to explain something about Beyonce.

When she jumps on you you really don’t see it coming. You don’t see her run towards you. You just blink and half a second later she’s on you like one of those angry chimpanzees at the zoo, scratching and fucking up your face. And she has a firm death grip on you too so once she’s on you, it’s a wrap.

As far as I know they are still trying to pull her off Rihanna.

I’ll try to keep you updated.

NOTE: This story is completely fake and unreal. There is no truth to this story in any way! It’s just for a laugh, or two … possible three. But it is not intended to offend anyone. Anyhow, it’s completely fictional and was obtained from the Beyonceitis website. Why am I posting it here? Baby Daniel made me do it! Full explanation coming soon…